Arghhhh... Cell Hell

I have two Cell phone accounts, one I had saved from my daughter and hadn't cancelled it yet. Had it for several years, and recently got her and my wife another phone company for several unrelated reasons.

So my old cell phone breaks. The one with my business number on it. It is insured, so I go in and find out that I will be getting a brand new, 3 year old technology, phone. Ok. fine. Stupid, but fine.

But lo-and-behold there are new plans with services I need... IM, Text, out-of-town service and such - but they require a newer tech phone. I buy one and have the business number transferred to the new phone so I leave with a working business line. Cool. New old-tech phone arrives a week later and I go down to put the second line number on it.

Nope: That's insurance fraud I am told. Insurance fraud? I must, MUST, put the business line on to the old tech phone and then move it to the new-tech phone. Will take 24 hours.

Me: "But I have 2 lines and am not defrauding anyone!"
Them: Blank stares.
Me: "why didn't you tell me this when I transferred this number when I was here?"
Them: Blank stares.
Me: "Well can I do it and then transfer it immediately?"
Them: Blank stares.
Me: "Well, I will just cancel the number on the line I haven't used for 4 months and get a new line and phone.
Them: "That's fraud. You cannot cancel one plan to take advantage of another plan."
Me: "That's twice I have been threatened with very serious crimes since I walked in here. That makes me a little nervous."
Them: Blank stares.
Me: "How can you tell a citizen of the US that they are unable to cancel a cell phone plan in order to take advantage of another plan? And then to tell them that is a felony? How do you say something like that with a straight face."
Them: Blank stares.

So in order to evade prosecution and incarceration from the cell phone company, I just agreed to do the stupid thing and I will drive all the way back to Tempe tomorrow to have it transferred back.

NOTE: This cell company office (and all of their offices, I am told) have an armed, uniformed guard in the store. Armed. In a freakin' cell phone store. I now know why. Infuriating. To treat customers like that is a crime.

On the wall there are photos of people wearing t-shirts that state "I don't count" to show how 'cool' the unlimited service is. Now I realize there is another meaning to the slogan. Yeah, I'm a customer and when it comes to them providing me some customer service, I don't count either.

Morons.