Where I was...

...5 years ago this day. And yes, I am still angry.

I was sitting in the car waiting for my 10 year old daughter to finish her ice skating lesson. We usually arrived at the rink at 4 and I would catch a few winks in the car until it got warm and I would then seek the coolness of the rink. I awakened and turned on the car radio. The first plane had just hit the WTC. I kinda pictured a Cessna, maybe a traffic plane... and yet, I just couldn't understand how that could happen. I've been there. They are quite easy to see, those two magnificent buildings that have become an icon for NYC.

I got my daughter and we left for home. As I walked in to the bedroom, my wife screamed "Oh, God... No...." We witnessed the second plane hit. That's when it became clear. And I instantly knew who it was that had decided to kill innocent civilians. (BTW, if you are a conspiracy theorist and think that the President, or any other American, had anything to do with this... piss off, don't come back.) And I knew who it was because there is only one group of people on this planet who feel that it is totally OK to kill others because they simply exist. Yeah, I was right too.

We sat there for the longest time, then we both got dressed, got the girls ready and went out into the morning. It was different though. We now knew that they had breached our security... both the airport security, and the national feeling of security. We now knew that we were no longer safe from 7th century radicals who were incapable of anything other than death. And I wasn't nearly as afraid as I was angry.

Real, palpable anger. Seething. I had always been outspoken in my belief that we would have to fight that faction of the world. "It will come to that," I would say, "because they believe to their core that killing innocents is noble." To that belief system, there is no compromise. And I was mostly angry because I was right. I didn't want to be right. I have three girls who have nothing but love in their hearts for everyone... but who would be decapitated by savages for simply being who they are.

I have never been known for being politically correct. When someone says something stupid to me, I can't let it pass. A flaw perhaps, but certainly people know what my stance is... and I ain't no namby-pamby progressive metrosexual weenie. That afternoon, I called the recruiter across the street (this is the first I have spoken about this, sorry honey) and asked if I could join up. They don't take 52 year old guys into the Army he told me. Helplessness and anger don't mix well, so I threw myself into my work for a couple of hours... with one ear tuned to the radio.

Spent the next 2 days glued to the TV. I desperately wanted to find a reason for the attack, something that was real. Of course there wasn't one, even though we were given an inexhaustible feed of "why do they hate us' tripe. Why? Who gives a shit? No matter what we would have done, it would not have warranted an attack on 25,000 innocents. Anyone who can't see this is an obvious victim of public schooling where critical thinking is castigated and 'feelings' rule.

I am a designer. A photographer. I make web sites. I thought what I did was important. It was on September 10, 2001. Next day at noon... didn't mean a damn thing. Not in comparison to what we saw and heard about the heroes of that day. Scott and the guys on 93... Barbra and the others on the Pentagon plane... firefighters, cops, emergency workers, volunteers... people helping others out of the debris... amazing stories of heroism and sacrifice. Some lived on another day... some didn't. The children on the left were some of the ones left behind.

My favorite image was one of a group of people running from the rubble. They were all gray... not black, white, Asian, Hispanic... gray. And they were all helping each other through the falling debris. They were Americans, good people helping each other. Helping. Each other. It is what we do as Americans, isn't it?

And to think how much worse it could have been. If the scum had waited for another hour, they would have hit the towers full of workers... probably killing three times the victim count. Of course, they grew up with a diet of hate, learned hate from their political leaders, spiritual leaders and family leaders. They didn't think about people having jobs... hell, they never had one. They were part of a group who build nothing, create nothing, solve nothing, do nothing, invent nothing... they just hate. They are really good at it. Good for them.

The graphic at the top says "I will not surrender / I will not submit." Yep, sounds about right to me. I will never become a part of a 7th century,backward focused, women hating, hate-mongering, vile and ignorant group of death-worshippers.

But that IS what they want. It is what they state. It is part of their core belief. They will tell you that to your face. Some of us are ready to throw in the towel and just give in to the demands of these heathens. Some think that by coddling and trying to understand their savage ways will somehow spare them their wrath. It wont. They don't care. They never will. They are incapable of anything else.

However, I will never forget what they did that fall morning. It is burned indelibly on my mind. I think about it when I go through an airport, or when I see a picture of NY, or watch a fire truck roaring down the road. I will never forget. Never.