Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Become a Certified Twitter User, cause... well, you know. Being 'certified' is really, sorta important and stuff... like photographers! A test.

I have just realized that many of you following me are not certified Twitter Users. This is unacceptable.

Below is a sample test that you MUST learn in order to become a Twitter With Impeccable Talent (TWIT).

1. What does the arrow key at the bottom of your keyboard do?

2. When composing a tweet, do you choose LOL or ROFLOL when the tweet is less than 67 characters?

3. Does telling me that you just had a sandwich and it was soggy and the waitress was a doofus help the world monetary crisis or enlighten me in any way at all?

4. What is the correct keyboard to send a tweet on TweetDeck running on OS10.1 on a Mac with Classic running in the background and 14 layers of Photoshop opened at the same time? On Tuesday?

5. Why do they call it Twitter?

6. What use is the "Return" key when composing a tweet just as the stewardess tells you to turn your cell phone off so they can push back from the gate? What if you are heading to Fresno?

7. Will Twitter really be able to create millions for you as you market your book on making millions on Twitter? Will that increase your liklihood of getting beat up when your friend find out it is you that is filling their Twitter with "I made thousands using Twitter, so can you!"

8. I before E except after __? Exceptions?

9. A dilemma: You just found out your BFF had sex with an investment banker (euwww) and received money for it to help her sick grandmother. She was desperate and ashamed, and you are in a quandary.

Should you Tweet the story with a link to her FaceBook page or include a Photo of her kissing a drunk waitress on TwitPic?

10. Upon further consideration, I have decided to ask three essay questions. (Shut up, it's my test, I can do what I want little 'uncertified' person.)

A. Explain the Universe. Give Examples. Be Brief (144 characters).
B. Why do people think Kanye West is talented?
C. If a train left Boston going 25 MPH and a Plane took off from LA going 344 MPH how long would it take a clubfooted centipede to stomp all the seeds out of a 1/8 inch slice of tomatoe? Show your work.

Then... you can make yourself a badge. Cause we don't have a badge for you. We don't have no badges... We don't need no stinking badges!

Have a nice day and show your certified TWIT badge for a discount on air.

Posted via email from Now This is Cool...

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