I had a good Summer and early Fall as a photographer doing real assignment photography. But as a result of the last two years I always feel the cold sweat of impending doom wafting over me like a chilling breeze. And so I pitched a book project on a new lighting technology/technique. And the publisher accepted. And the moment I got the e-mail of acceptance I remembered the old Texas curse, "Be danged careful what you hanker for.....you might just git it." And all the calmness and optimism that led me to pitch the project, the joy of new learning, the challenge of writing, the happy anticipation of shooting a whole new body of work-----that all paled in an instant; replaced with the anxiety of knowing that now I have to perform. I have to make the great new photos. I have to master the new technology. I have to deal with the gnawing doubt that I may have "bought a horse who won't make it to the finish line..." I have to help sell the property once we make it.
And there is always the indecisiveness that comes from knowing that a project like this can push you to a new level......or level you. But it's nice to get started. Back to the typewriter and bit of isolation.
Kirk's blog should be on your reading list.